Nevenka & Blotch

Yep. Nevenka. With a "k". Some opt for "Nev" from time to time. That's just fine. Others resort to insults, and well, that's not very nice. But hey, in most cases, it's deserved, so she willingly accepts some sailor-like swearing. It's like pet names in the end, like "sweetie" or "cupcake." It's affectionate... right? Ah well, tough luck for her then. And especially tough luck for them. It's the fate of artists to be misunderstood. And when she draws suggestive drawings on the side of a tram, it's like a gift to the world, a cheeky and free little present. People just don't know how to appreciate that kind of gift, or even freebies, anyway.

But that's how it is; there are the bitter ones on one side and the ones with a screw loose on the other. That's how the world turns: you can't please everyone, doing the dishes is always a horrible chore, and that's just fine with this formula. It's always better than being agreeable. Yuck. Consensus? Bleh. There's no word more mushy than... no, let's avoid saying it again, it's not good for karma. Anyway, Nev belongs more to the second category. Yes, the one that was specified a few lines above. You know, just before "that's how the world turns." Take a few seconds to check. Hmm. Ready to continue? Very well.

Once upon a time, a long time ago, in a land far, far away... there was a blossoming young girl who frolicked in the meadows singing, surrounded by cows, sheep, enchanted unicorns... False! Totally false! You couldn't see a thing. Yes, a bit more fog, that's it. Add the noise of a huge metal citadel rolling across the plains, emitting vapors. Yes, much better! And there, the scene is set, the story can begin again. So Nev was born within Mist, the Sahanka of the Ossonoya Clan. Don't know what that is? Well, of course, city folks wouldn't know what's happening in the countryside. For your information, the Ossonoya Clan is a Lyra Clan. A Sahanka is a moving city of the Lyra. Mist is one of them. And it's surrounded by? Yes, mist. Thanks for keeping up.

By now, you must already understand that Nev was born in a Lyra caravan. No need to dwell too much on that: life in the open air, constant wandering, the tralalas of the bards. But Nev's problem is that she gets bored. Like, a lot. Like, pfft, will anything interesting happen today? So she kills boredom as best she can, bombarding walls with graffiti and collecting a few insults along the way. You know, those sweet names mentioned in a previous episode. Fortunately, she has her little gang of rascals and scoundrels, and when they're not available, there are always Eidolons to hang out with: Tanuki for his mischievous side, Pan for his irreverent side…

In truth, her gang is entirely composed of Eidolons. Because the other kids are too scared of her to join in her not always very prudent antics. So she imagines a dreamed life, of adventure and grand fantasies. And she tells her stories with her paint bombs or brushes when her sprays run out. Because those things are horribly expensive, and the Cornucoopia shopkeepers avoid selling them to her after, let's say, ten (hundred) complaints. How many times has she been forcibly brought before the Caravan Shepherd to apologize to those she supposedly wronged? But no worries, she crossed her fingers while making her mea culpas.

As she wandered beneath the mighty chimneys of Mist, she saw a colorful mass (can't describe it better than that) swirling in the clouds. It was like a serpent made of a rainbow (oh yes, we can): a dragon of hues and shades, as if clouds had turned into paint, and that paint had become a dragon creature that kicks so much ass because it's so cool. Nev watched it drift in the sky, twirling around the smokestacks. To get closer to the entity, she climbed dizzying ladders and stepped over protective railings, flirting dangerously with the void.

Had she thought it through? Clearly not. Thinking things through isn't really her forte, as you may have gathered. Yeah, no, not at all, like NOT. AT. ALL. And everything would have gone just fine if the maintenance agents had properly repaired the metal platform. It was obvious it was rusty, as clear as day. Saying it was negligence? You betcha! Still, she let out a little scream when the metal plate dislodged, and she plummeted into the void like a sack of potatoes thrown from the highest belvedere of a circus show, when acrobats leap toward the trapeze. But here, no trapeze, no net. It was a real bummer.

The outcome of the situation would have been much more dramatic if it hadn't been a paint dragon but a cicada or a stray cat. Although, since a cat always lands on its feet, could it be that... Let's move on. The Chimera rushed to see the girl fall, in slow motion, of course, like in the best Altavista productions. Using its oily texture, it managed to slow her fall and place her on a terrace below, smeared with colorful gouache. Nev, covered from head to toe, burst into laughter after this out-of-the-box experience. The dragon took off again grumbling. A grumble that might have meant "she's completely nuts, I swear!" or perhaps "I hope you're okay, dear maiden. I apologize for turning you into a living watercolor, a state that suits you remarkably well."

But in Nevenka's mind, it clicked. She had a debt. Like a life-or-death debt, "I'll pursue you until I save you in return" kind of cliché. But hey, she descended the long stairs, scanning the mist not to lose her savior, who was anything but a Prince Charming. Yeah, for the record, we agree, a dragon is way cooler than some dapper blond guy. Without further thought, she leaped from the base of the Sahanka, watching the metal colossus continue its journey, leaving deep caterpillar tracks in the ground. And she began to stalk her prey — uh, her good Samaritan — to give him a taste of his own medicine. He better watch out!

Okay, there might be a hint of exaggeration, but you get the gist. Blotch made Nev his sidekick, or "tolerated her presence like a dog forgets about a tick," as he likes to joke. Oh, what a joker he is! Over time, he got used to Nev tailing him, and they started traveling together, arm in arm... which is technically impossible because he doesn't have arms. Yeah, okay, there were quarrels, some gratuitous jabs, but that's what makes the journey exciting! You never get bored with Nev, not for a single second. She's the best person to go on a road trip with. She's organized, dependable, gentle, patient, devoted... basically, wife material.

And that's precisely what Blotch proposed to her, getting down on one knee (still impossible!), with a longing gaze, in the most romantic way, in a luxurious all-you-can-eat spa hotel in Amorgand, right next to the pool with floating lotuses. Nev, tears welling in her eyes, replied with a fiery "Yes," squeezing him tight. And they lived happily ever after, had lots of children, little half-human, half-dragon hybrids, opened a shop to sell Nevenka's graffiti, made a fortune, and squandered it on a rabbit farm to make cheese in the alpine pastures…

Are you out of your mind? Nev is a free woman! She would never agree to marry a dragon probably as old as her great-great-great-great-grandfather! She's a Lyra, and she would never let herself be locked up like that! When she accepted this union, she obviously had her fingers crossed behind her back! Because Nevenka is the queen of fibs, the empress of hoaxes, the goddess in the making of fabrication, mystification, inaccuracy, and all the other synonyms you find in the dictionary for the idea of lying. By the way, did you believe any of this earlier nonsense?